Lockdown Version 2.0.0

Thurs 5th November

Day 1 of Lockdown 2.0: Hoping to avoid the Corona Virus that was released at midnight last night I carefully made my way to the Amazon Locker to pick up my essential supplies. Interestingly the traffic was actually heavier than normal for this time of day!

Having successfully survived the excursion I have returned to Lockdown HQ to drink coffee and contemplate the rest of the day.

Today is going to be filled with excitement. I fully plan to wear sheepy moccasins and baggy jogging bottoms all day. The excitement I have planned includes “doing the washing up” – yes – without a dishwasher! – Imagine! – After that I will declutter the lounge with the aid of a large bin liner then the grande finale … yes … you have guessed it … out comes the Dyson for some serious Dysonning.

But that’s not all!!!

Other jobs that I have to do today include “waiting for the postman” – always a tricky one to perform correctly. I am confident that I have enough coffee in the kitchen to manage this one in an efficient manner.

Despite the freezing cold icy morning outside I am warm and secure in the knowledge that I have enough toilet roll to see me through the day so it’s all good.

After such a full day of dodging the Covid Virus I shall be exhausted and probably fall asleep at around 4.00 PM – the new Midnight.

Have a great day and don’t forget to control that virus!
Day 2 Of The Second Great Lockdown. Coffee stocks are good although I did finish one toilet roll which is worrying so close to the beginning of this lockdown. I may have to go to Tesco and buy another 24 just in case.
Yesterday was a day of achievements! Yes … I was successful in my attempt to “wait for the postman” and managed to get a package of medication through the front door without any sign of the Virus.
I also managed to complete the washing up task that I had set myself. In fact, yesterday I was so successful I managed to add extra tasks to my list. For example … I now have a really tidy desk to work at … which will be useful for today.
Today … today I am going to catch up on my accounts. The height of excitement! I fully intend laying out all these loose receipts (I should have kept my QuickBooks subscription going) in month order. Then sort them into categories. I will then add them up by month and category. I might even staple some together.
Wow … just thinking of all that excitement has caused my heart rate to go up!
I then need to add up how much I have earned … I have a sneaking suspicion that won’t take very long to do …
After all that excitement I might unwind by doing some laundry, I discovered that someone has left a mountain of laundry in my bedroom. Must be those Pesky Pixies again …
Stay safe and stay alert … if you see a Virus report it immediately and remember that from today you can be fined for going out and about without a valid reason.
Day 3 Of Lockdown. Today is a sad day. Around 7 years ago I was given a little male Red Eyed Tree Frog that the owner was no longer able to look after. We always named our frogs after some characteristic or trait that made them stand out … so for example we have “Jack” which is short for Jack Russell as he is the smallest male but also the most dominant … but this little guy was just so … nothing …
So he was named “Frog With No Name”.
Since that day Frog With No Name became my go to frog for anything that needed, well, a frog. He has been an amazing little guy to work with and his photos have ended up all over the world in magazines and adverts. He has made hundreds of people happy with his smiling, slightly worried looking, face and willingness to walk along a branch rather than jump and has won people all over the UK various accolades and competitions.
But, time has caught up with him. He has been slowing down for many months and when he did walk it was like a rickety old man walking. Since March he has been retired, with just the odd excursion where I wanted to clean out the tank and needed all the frogs out of it.
This morning he peacefully fell asleep on the rock by the water bowl and forgot to wake up.
RIP little Frog With No Name.
Day 4 Of The Second Great Lockdown: I have decided that the Lockdown doesn’t actually cause me any hardship really. At best I’m an anti social old git in my free time anyway and all I do on my days off is go to get food for the animals and myself … all of which I can still do.
It’s the “free time” bit that’s the problem. My to do list is now empty. Tomorrow I may “go to work” … if only to sit there on my own with a camera and some animals.
Yesterday I found myself at B And Q – not to buy essential Covid DIY material but to purchase an essential burger at the “Top Nosh” burger van – at one time the home of the finest burger in Poole but, since new ownership, a shadow of its former glory.
First you join the Great Essential Burger Queue … fast food this isn’t – everything is cooked from scratch so 4 people in front of you means a half hour wait before the unsmiling girl on the till takes your order and your money. Once ordered you move to a different holding pen and have a further 15 minutes or so to wait whilst your food is prepared.
During this 45 minutes or so there isn’t very much to do … except watch the staff as they unhurriedly go about their work whilst avoiding any sort of eye contact with the people waiting. We all had the joy of watching the young lad in the middle of the trio touching everything, re-arranging the sauce bottles, getting supplies out … coughing and wiping his nose and face … then picking up cheese slices and burger bun tops with his bare unwashed un-gloved freshly coughed on hands to finish off the burgers.
Not once was he troubled to clean his hands in any way … never …
I have been going there for ever for a quick and crafty burger – it has always been THE go to Burger Bar (other than the Night Owl in Branksome but that’s only at night!) and I even got my parents and other family members into going there.
But not any more … Never again … which is a shame – the end of an era.
If anyone wants a spare cheeseburger …
Today … Operation Dog Walkies – Some peace and solitude and a small terrier to terrorise the world.
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Day 5 Of Lockdown II: Looking at my diary there are 3 cancelled appointments for today. It would have been a “busy” day … what ever that means.
So, yesterday the dog was walked with much success. Poor old Pie is getting on a bit and although she loves to run around barking at everything with her rather delicious little “woof”, she is not as young as she used to be. By lunchtime Pie was a knackered sleepy terrierist.
Me on the other hand … I have become this anxious fretting caged lion at home. Okay, maybe not lion … maybe something a little less fearsome and a little more rounded … Hamster?
A few days with no work and I start … I was going to say “prowling up and down the bars” (like a lion) but to continue the Hamster analogy … running around aimlessly in my wheel with my cheeks bulging.
So … today I fully intend spending some time with Team Mousie and a camera when I feed them. It’ll be a bit like work … just without being work.
Day 6 of Lockdown 2.0.0: Lockdown continues to blunder around like a blind, slightly confused, Tyrannosaurus Rex in a Primary School playground (Actually one of the few places where a blind T-Rex would be allowed to socialise without being slapped with hefty fine). I was surprised yesterday at the volume of traffic that was around at 6.30 AM yesterday as people go about their lockdown.
Yesterday … yesterday I pretended to go to work and assumed the role of being a photographer. I think I even asked myself “what settings should I use” and of course came out with the odd “stupid bloody camera” when things went wrong.
Team Mousie were glad of the company (and for the millet seeds) and were happy to come out and play.
It’s hard operating a mouse and a camera at the same time … but with patience and perseverance I managed to multi mousie task with a lot of help from the mouses before rain stopped play.
Apocalyptic Rain at that! … the noise on the roof was loud even inside the studio which caused Team Mousie to dive into a cardboard tube and huddle up together until the storm passed.
As a thank you to the Team they got new bedding and brand new tubes to destroy over the next few days … oh and plenty of millet seeds and meal worms. I’m pretty sure that they will have forgiven me for throwing out their carefully stored stash of nibbles by today.
Today … today once more have the pleasure of “not work” at work. At some stage I will have to tidy up the shelving and clean up the studio!
Or I might just play …
Day 7 In Lockdown Land: Today it has finally happened. After all my planning, all my careful preparations after a whole 7 days it has finally happened – food supplies have run out.
So, after all that Pretend-Work over the last few days I decided to take a Pretend-Day-Off and go … shopping.
I never realised how stressful going to Tesco can be … are soup sachets for the studio an essential item? Bin Liners – will the Covid Police leap out and arrest me for buying bin liners … and as for that bath mat that I need …
Luckily everyone else in there was milling around looking equally lost so I fitted right in and managed to get everything that I wanted before scampering towards the checkouts with my haul.
I have to say that the lady on the check-out was lovely. After so little social interaction when someone says to you “Are you okay for bags?” you kind of react like a startled rabbit in the headlights … after jumping in surprise, and a moments brain searching, I managed to come up with a witty “yes, I think so” … and that was it … the highpoint of today’s social interaction.
“Pop your card in and put in your pin number” was waaay too much to process … I just did what I was told and fled with a muttered “thank you” as I left.
I am now sat here with my new bath mat stroking it and muttering “My preciousssss” to it …
Day 8 In Lockdown Mk II: Today I am testing out my new basic qualification in “Waiting For A Delivery” that I gained last week via Sainsburys. This time I have graduated to DPD delivering a new essential “Hoodie” for keeping me warm when I don’t go out. By the end of the day I hope to have gained my Masters in Waiting For A Delivery … another huge leap forward in my continued education.
Other than that today promises to be a quiet day … after yesterday’s social trauma I have no intention of braving Tesco again for a little while, and I have no idea what time my “Waiting For A Delivery course will finish for the day. If I finish early enough the whole “popping out with a camera” sounds quite an appealing option – but we shall have to see.
Failing that I could do some more extreme lockdown housework …
Or … just sit here wandering what to do …
So many choices!
Day 9 of The Second Great Lockdown 2020: Today I am very happy! A good friend of mine who I haven’t spoken to for a few months popped up on my phone. When I saw the contact name “Thieving Bastards” appear on my caller ID I knew it could only by the one and only Dr Teresa.
Dr Teresa and I go back a way – all the way back to the First Great Covid Lockdown. Dr Teresa works for the World Health Organisation where they have made a cure for “The Covid”. For just $150 USD each I could arrange for myself and Mr Cliff D’Lemming to receive The Cure when, after payment had cleared, Dr Teresa would send the van round to deliver me The Cure.
Sadly Cliff’s fictitious bank card never seemed to pass the bank security checks which upset Dr Teresa (from the World Health Organisation) greatly but never put her off phoning us up to check the card details and have a chat.
She called me off and on for months … which provided me with hours of entertainment and hopefully brightened up her days as well in-between her trying to scam people.
And then she stopped, suddenly and without explanation. I was almost heartbroken after all the effort I had put into this relationship.
But … early this morning, my phone rang with that familiar name “Thieving Bastards” … and yes … it was my old friend Dr Teresa asking after me and Mr D’Lemming.
She seemed genuinely upset to hear that poor Mr Cliff had passed away after eating an infected Mink on holiday in Denmark … but re-assured me that the World Health Organisation have made a huge break through in the war on Covid.
The Cure is now available in Tablet Form! (My first reaction was to ask if it used Android which passed straight over her gorgeous little head)
So, for $200 USD she can “prescribe” me the medicine and send it to me via post!
If only that card would work …
Happy Friday 13th – and remember to control any viruses that you see on your lockdown travels.
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Day 10 of The Second Lockdown: Well, what can I say … after such a promising start Fri 13th proved to be a day absolutely choc-a-block filled with oodles of … nothingness. More nothingness than you could shake a stick at.
Today promises to be just as full of nothingness! Imagine that!!!
But … it gets worse … I’m on my last roll of Cushelle loo roll … cheap, rough stuff from now on … shudder ….
So … here we are … huge quantities of nothingness and only cheap loo roll to look forward to.
It’s the Pandademic you know …
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Day 11 In Lockdown Paradise: Wasn’t yesterday a bit damp! Even the dog postponed the days Operation Dog Walk when she say the rain … instead opting for quick pee on the grass by the door followed by “return to warm cosy bed”.
And that was still the high point of the day!
The rest of the day was spent either watching the weather through the window or talking about the weather on the phone. Saved by a rainy day to discuss and evaluate … how very British!
Today … today I am going to go to pretend-work … according to my diary, and assuming that today is actually Sunday 15th Nov, I have a public Harvest Mouse Workshop this morning which is fully booked.
Just think … people, laughter, banter, happiness … oh … and money!
Remember money?
Instead I think it will be a day of sitting there listening to the rain outside and discussing the weather a bunch of mice.
How very British …
Day 12 Locked Down: Hopefully we will see the number of people being infected start to drop soon as we head towards the end of our second week of Lockdown. Having said that I was intrigued by the sheer number of people around doing essential shopping at all these essential shops as I was driving home from work yesterday.
Anyway … enough of that serious stuff and on to more important essential stuff … like … umm … errrrr …. hmmmm … Okay, it’s difficult coming up with anything when the most important decision that I have to make right now is whether to have a cup of coffee now or leave it for 5 minutes before I make it …
I’m leaning towards saving it for later … something to look forward to!
Yesterday’s Harvest Mouse Photography Workshop was great fun … the mice were on form and performed well. Of course it could have been better with a few people there to photograph them … but …
So, what else is on my to-do list today ? At some stage I have the job of transferring the laundry from the washing machine to the tumble drier … that’s a major job. I’m looking forward to that.
At some stage I might, note the word “might”, run the Dyson around the lounge to de-dog the floor a bit. That depends on how tired I am from the exertion of drying the laundry.
After that I could join the Dog by the window looking out for squirrels! He gets very excited when he sees one so maybe it’ll work for me too.
But now … I’ve waited long enough and my coffee needs to be made. Take care, stay safe and remember to stay at least 2m away from any passing mink that you come across on your travels …
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Day 13 Locked Down MK II: Except for a quick trip to get essential Grape Fanta (and some crickets for the Frogs) today has been spent indoors watching the essential lockdown traffic queued up outside. It’s jolly exciting you know …
I am feeling a bit guilty after feeding the dog a hot dog … Of course the irony was completely wasted on the dog … who is currently snoring on the carpet in between hot dog smelling burps.
So, other than the dog smelling like a New York street corner and the traffic stacked up outside, all I have to do is unblock a stubborn kitchen sink. So far it’s not been playing ball and has shrugged off several gallons of boiling water.
I have had to resort to Mr Muscle Industrial Unblocker … if that doesn’t work I may have to resort to explosives …
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Day 14 Of The Second Lockdown: Day 14 … imagine that! Two weeks in and two weeks to go – so for now we are half way there. Oh … unless they extend it that is …
So, a quick recap on the last 14 days.
I have become quite proficient at “Waiting For A Delivery” and am starting to feel the need to graduate to a much higher level of the artform. Maybe “Waiting For A Delivery Whilst Doing The Laundry” would prove a fun project to start next.
Secondly – the weather. The weather is really useful as not only does it provide a little variety and diversity to life but is a great topic of conversation when having a chat with your cat, dog or Harvest Mouse (or even a parent over the phone). With so little going on in life without the weather I would be screwed.
3: Alexa is pants at predicting the weather … or she has a totally different idea of what “mainly dry” means to me.
4: Lockdown has introduced me to a Catch 22 situation. I’m self employed and therefore not furloughed as such … I do receive a little help from the Govt … but to get this I have to spend more that 30 hours a week working. My tenancy at home forbids me working from home in any way what so ever … so I have to go to work to work, but my work involves people coming to me which is not allowed under lockdown. I have to go to work but work is not allowed to come to me … so I have no work to do when I go to work. It’s all very … puzzling.
So … today I am going to go to work where I shall do no work because I’m not allowed to work whilst having to go to work.
At least I get to discuss the weather with the mice …
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Posted in General, Real Life.